Ever have doubts? Me too…

Although I haven’t posted every day I have been meditating every day.  There were a couple of days where my meditations were extremely short – I’m talking 10 minutes because I was just so incredibly exhausted last week.

The work week kills me.  I feel great and refreshed by the weekend on Monday, okay on Tuesday and then it’s downhill from there.  I’m just not meant for a corporate 9-5 schedule.  I am used to exercising a ton and being outside and being super active.  I don’t get enough sunlight or outdoor time these days and while I usually exercise regularly, it has been much less so since I have become pregnant and am also working.  I mostly sit ALL DAY!  I can’t wake up in 30 years from now and wonder where my life went.

I’m 3 posts in and I don’t think I have had one reader.  I definitely don’t feel that I’m ready to advertise or market this blog because I’m just test-driving my blogging abilities.  At first I was feeling discouraged.  Why am I doing this and no one is ever going to read it or care about this blog.  But then I realized, I’m really just doing this for me.  To make me comfortable with putting my thoughts out there and posting online.

So, I’m putting my doubts about this blog and myself aside and just going to keep at it to make sure I complete this challenge and see my commitment through to completion no matter what.  As I’m sure you have all heard before, they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.  So, here I am doing something totally different and foreign to me if for no other reason than to stimulate some change in my life.  To help me transition from my analytical, corporate work centric mindset to a more creative and freeflowing mindset.

Last night I meditated for almost an hour with 2 different meditations.  I wanted to share this meditation with my readers. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD8IQKvuMqg&feature=related

Lots of love to all.

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Not off to a great start

Yesterday was a busy day.  Full day at work, come home cook dinner and then dash off to a PTO board meeting.  I didn’t get home until about 9:45 and was exhausted.  But…..I did meditate.

Throughout the day, the main issue on my mind was money.  It’s so interesting, my mind goes through so many cycles and within every cycle there is a period of time where I’m worried about money.  Eventually the worries pass and give way to a beautiful feeling that everything will be okay and that I am divinely taken care of and provided for.  Then reality hits hard again and I wonder if I’m living in the clouds, in a dream world.  Can all of these books and people talking about manifesting what you want actually be true?  Sometimes I feel that it can’t be any other way, that God wants us to be happy and sometimes I feel so doubtful and that I am a fool for believing it all.

Anyways, here I was at home and I sat down to meditate.  I started by chanting several Oms and then sank into a deep, beautiful meditation.  I wasn’t aware of my body, I wasn’t asleep and I just felt that everything would be okay.  All the stresses and concerns of daily life will be okay.  We are taken care of.  I have some severe doubts inside of me.  Doubts and insecurities, but I can say that I feel a lot happier when I just stay in the moment and believe that all is provided for me.  If I can get even a glimpse of that feeling every once in a while it is enough to keep me going.

Om Shanti. 

One of my favorite prayers and favorite saints.  St. Francis of Assissi pictured above.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

 

 

The 40 day challenge starts with a single step…

Dear readers to-be,

First, who am I and why the heck did I start this blog? 

Me, I’m Kim, I’m 32, married with a 5 year old daughter and a baby on the way! 

I work as a management consultant primarily assessing the processes and technologies of different businesses helping organizations to select and implement the appropriate software packages.

When I’m not working I’m either spending time with my family, playing field hockey, cooking, reading, doing yoga, kriya, meditating or going to satsang.  I’ll explain more about kriya and satsang at a later time.

Why am I blogging?  Well, for one I’ve always wanted to start a blog, but never new what to blog about and have always been intimidated because your words are out there publicly and permanently.  It’s kind of scary but liberating at the same time. 

About this blog.  I’ve tried numerous times to do my kriya, a breathing technique that I learned through the Art of Living organization, for 40-days.  I made it the full 40 days one time only.  40 days is a lot longer than it seems when you are trying to be disciplined and do something everyday, especially with a full schedule and when you have days that you are tired, lazy or just plain don’t feel like it.  In my most recent attempt, I was up to about 26 days and then had this one day where I was just so exhausted that I just couldn’t make myself do it.  It was pretty disheartening to think that I had to start all over again.  Now, being pregnant, I’m unable to really do kriya, but I can MEDITATE.  I have learned a meditation technique, Sahaj Samadhi from the same organization (Art of Living) and it is so helpful in calming my mind and relieving stress, but I still have trouble with consistency and staying disciplined everyday. 

Part of the issue is, sometimes meditation is great and I can meditate for almost an hour and feel like I never want to come out of it, but other days I sit there for 20 minutes and my mind is just all over the place and it starts to defeat my motivation for meditating.  This is where the discipline piece comes in and this is why I decided to start the blog to keep me accountable for meditating everyday.  As the saying goes, every journey starts with a single step.  Here’s mine.

Today is September 17 and my challenge will end on October 27.  I have a habit of starting initiatives and not seeing them through to fruition so I’m hoping this blog will keep my committed through the duration.  It’s funny, when it comes to work, I am super-disciplined, but when it comes to things I start on my own in my spare time I have trouble staying with it.

My first meditation was this morning.  I wasn’t super calm, but I meditated for about 20 minutes so I’ll check it off for the day.

Lastly, before I sign-off for the day, I want to share a song by one of my favorite singers of Bhajans (Vikram Hazra).  It is Om Namo Narayana and can be found on youtube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6pqE9W28xg

Enjoy!